The Dark I Know Well
by SapphicSalsa
Summary: Catherine knew the rules. She also knew that those rules never applied to victims of any crime, so she wondered why she felt wrong for letting someone else break them. Eventual Cath/Sara
1. Sunrise

Catherine Willows arrived at the crime scene just as the police had turned their sirens off. Nick and Warrick had already arrived and headed in to the small apartment building. As she parked, she noticed a teenage girl sitting on the curb, nearly hidden behind a pair of police officers. They didn't seem to notice her, but Catherine could tell she was distressed. As she approached the curb, another girl sat next to the first, most likely her older sister. Catherine knelt before the pair and waited for a moment. The older girl looked down on her sister who was staring back up with a grave expression painted across her face.

"It's not over, is it?" The younger girl looked down and shook her head in reply. "You might want to talk to her then." Catherine locked eyes with the older of the two. "I'm Chrissy. Christine. This is Samantha." She nodded he head in the direction of her younger sister. Just then Nick appeared.

"Christine? Can I talk to you over here for a sec?" She nodded and stood.

"Tell the truth, Sam, they're here to help." Chrissy regarded her sister. Catherine took the chance to sit next to her.

"My name is Catherine Willows; I'm with the Crime Lab. I'm here to help solve your mother's murder." Samantha sighed.

"What do you need to know right now, Miss Willows?" She was staring straight ahead blankly.

"What can you tell me about what happened tonight?" Catherine was trying to be gentle; Samantha couldn't be any older than Lindsay.

"My father came home, like he always did. And I went to my room. The next thing I know, Chrissy and Emily are banging my door down and screaming. Then I hear a gunshot and sirens. Stephanie was dead and Terrance was nowhere to be found." She looked up at Catherine as though she were looking through a fog. "Two and two, if you know what I mean." She pulled the sleeves of her jacket over her wrists as the sun began to rise.

"You want to tell me why you're wearing a jacket in the middle of summer?" Samantha rolled her shoulders back and rested her elbows against the cement.

"We'll burn that bridge when we get there. I think you should be more worried about how a seemingly happy marriage could crumble to murder in an hour and a half." Catherine pursed her lips. It was a perfectly good question. "If you ask me," Samantha looked up, "I figure she found out something he didn't want her to know." The older woman turned to look at her.

"Like what?"

"I've got a few guesses. But, then again, solving mysteries is your job, isn't it?" She leaned forward, suddenly very serious. "I'm not trying to be mean, I honestly don't want to do your job. Not that your job isn't satisfying, it's just-" She was cut off by the shrill beeping of her watch. Catherine could swear she heard Sam curse under her breath as she looked up at the apartment. "I need to take my meds, when can I go back inside, Miss Willows?" Catherine thought for a moment and stood up.

"I don't think they're done, but I can go in and get them for you. Where are they?" Samantha's eyes widened like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"I strongly advise against that. I really think that's just a bad idea. But that's just me." She ran her fingers through her short hair.

"I don't like liars." Catherine stated.

"I'm not lying. I'm keeping a secret." The older blonde pursed her lips.

"What's the difference between someone who keeps a secret and a liar?" Catherine knew the girl was begging to be challenged, and she was happy to oblige.

"What's the difference between sex and rape, Miss Willows?" She opened her mouth to speak, but was stunned at how mature Samantha was. "Here's a hint: you have it before, and it's gone after."

"Trust." She said softly as Sam stood.

"Welcome to Wonderland, Alice. Hope you brought your Valium."


	2. Introduction to Sara's other life

Catherine watched Samantha join her older and younger sisters across the street in shock. If it weren't for the fact that she looked like she was a teen, she could have sworn the young girl was a twenty-something. As she passed the sisters, Catherine overheard Christine.

"My junk?" She asked.

"I'd say more like 'Didn't I See This Movie.'" Sam speculated as Stephanie Wright's body was carried out. "More Diana than Wendla, or a crappy Natalie." Chrissy nodded, and who Catherine suspected to be Emily piped up.

"What about Gabe?" By now Catherine had stopped walking completely, and was pretending to check the sidewalk for evidence. Emily looked no older than nine or ten. Samantha had already caught on to the fact that the CSI was eavesdropping, and looked down.

"It's like I'm your lover," she looked back up to the apartment, "or more like your ghost." Catherine's brow furrowed, they were making no sense whatsoever. Sam sensed this and knelt beside her. "I think if you were meant to know what we're talking about, you'd know. Then again, that's why they invented Google, isn't it?" Catherine got up with a huff. _How can she keep doing that?_ She thought to herself.

"You like that girl, don't you?" Christine asked, holding Emily's hand. Samantha watched Catherine enter the apartment.

"She's a good person. Not corrupt, you know?"

"Chrissy?" Emily asked. She was petite, like her eldest sister, but very short, with curly brown hair.

"Hmm?"

"What happens now?" Christine picked her up.

"I don't know, baby girl. I don't know."

Back at the lab, Catherine was sitting at one of the many computers, trying to remember what the girls had said at the scene. For some reason, she felt like she needed to know what it all meant. Sighing, she slumped back in her chair as Sara appeared.

"Hey, Cath, I was just…" Sara noticed Catherine's distress and paused. "What are you doing?" She approached the older woman and leaned on the table.

"I'm trying to figure out what the vic's family was saying at the scene. It didn't make sense, and it's really bothering me now." Sara mouthed a silent 'oh.'

"Well, can you remember what they were saying?"

"Something about junk and movies." The brunette quirked a brow.

"Anything more specific? Names, maybe?"

"Yeah, Samantha said something about being more Diana than Wendla, I think. And something else about Natalie, Emily mentioned Gabe, too."

"Diana, Natalie, and Gabe." Sara whispered to herself. "Did they say anything about Dan?"

"No, why?"

"They're talking about Broadway."

"Broadway?"

"Yeah, Diana, Natalie, and Gabe are all characters in Next To Normal. It's a musical." Catherine shot her a disbelieving look.

"How do you know that?"

"Alice Ripley." She answered simply.

"Who?" Sara pointed at the computer.

"Use your resources, Cat. That's why they're there." Catherine made a face as Sara left the room. She couldn't help but watch her leave, though she couldn't explain why. Turning back to the computer, she quickly searched said Alice Ripley and found an abundance of information on her and Next To Normal. She then searched for Wendla, and came up with Spring Awakening, yet another musical. After fully exploring both websites, Catherine set out in search for Sara. After searching in the locker room and with Greg in the lab, she found Sara in the break room looking over the case file.

"How'd it go?" Sara asked without looking up. Figuring she'd be clever, Catherine replied with a song title she thought the brunette wouldn't recognize.

"The bitch of living." This was one of the two songs that Catherine had found all of, and downloaded, in such a short time.

"And knowing this is it." Sara retorted, still not looking up. Catherine turned to face her, continuing cautiously.

"God, is this it?"

"This can't be it." Sara finally looked up, locking eyes with the older woman.

"Oh, god, what a bitch." They finished in unison. Catherine quirked a brow, imploring Sara to explain.

"I do have a life!" She placed her hand in front of herself in defense.

"I never said you didn't." Sara closed the file and stood.

"But you were thinking it really loudly."

"I was not, Sara." Catherine sighed. "So it's not just Joni Mitchell and They Might Be Giants on your mp3 player?" She tried to change the subject.

"You tell me." Sara pulled her iPod out of her pocket and tossed it at Catherine before heading out of the break room. "I want that back." She threw over her shoulder before disappearing out of her sight.


	3. AZT Break

Samantha and Christine sat in the waiting area as Emily was being questioned. Warrick had volunteered to ask Emily, Nick had Chrissy, and Catherine was pleased to know she had Samantha all to herself. Catherine approached the pair for the second time in the past 48 hours and stood in front of Samantha as Emily was let out of the interrogation room.

"Samantha?" Catherine gestured to the room that the youngest of the Wright siblings had just left. Samantha stood, tall and thin like her sisters, but something set her apart from them. As they walked, Catherine noted that, although Christine was years older than her sister, Sam was nearly as tall as her. Looking back through the glass door, The older woman noticed that both siblings were now crying.

"How may I be of assistance?" Samantha asked, sitting.

"Have you cried yet?" Catherine knew it really wasn't her business, or relevant to the case, but she _had_ to know.

"I did my crying when I lost her the first time. This was an anniversary of losing her again. At least, it was for me." She stated matter-of-factly.

"You didn't talk to her much?"

"Or, at all."

"Why was that?"

"Maybe it's because I'm 14 and taking high school classes online. Or, it's because I have two locks on my door, or maybe it's because I paid to have a bathroom installed because I work two jobs." Catherine blinked. "Sorry, two jobs during the week. I work at a ranch on the weekends." She blinked again.

"That's…"

"Don't get me wrong, I saw her every day. I'd make her a snack at about 3:30 every day, but we never talked. You can't really miss something you never had."

"What about your sisters?" Catherine watched something flash across Sam's face, but it was gone before she could identify it.

"My sisters were her daughters. I was a girl who lived with her and cleaned her house." She locked eyes with Catherine, and the older blonde could tell she was holding something back. "And then there were two." Her watched beeped again. The scene had been cleared already, and Catherine suspected that Sam had gotten her meds from the apartment before coming down.

"Do you need a glass of water?"

"No." Sam pulled out a pill bottle, setting the container down as she swallowed the pill dry. As it sat on the table, Catherine read the prescription: azidothymidine.

"AZT? You're fourteen!" She exclaimed under her breath.

"I get it from Terrance." Sam said, referring to her father. Catherine sighed, that was a little more believable, but still off, in her opinion. Just then, Sara knocked on the door, waving for her to come out.

"Stay put." Samantha raised a brow.

"Because I have _so_ many places I could go." Catherine rolled her eyes and left the room.

"Yeah, Sara. What is it?" Sara was still looking at the pill bottle.

"I heard about the AZT, and I think you might want to know…" She paused, looking back down at her file.

"I might want to know what?"

"Samantha was adopted."


	4. The Part I Can't Tell

**Note: Apologies for the short chapters, I promise to work hard at keeping them longer! Thanks for the reviews!**

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"What!?" Catherine immediately turned around and entered the room again. Sara followed suit, standing in the corner. Catherine tried her best to collect herself as she sat down in front of Samantha again. She took a deep breath.

"You got AIDS from your _adoptive_ father?"

"Do you have kids, Miss Willows?" Sam asked calmly, almost blankly.

"I have a daughter, yes." Catherine said shakily, she didn't know why this was affecting her so much.

"My sisters don't know. Can we keep it that way, at least for a while?" The young blonde rolled the sleeves of her jacket up, revealing dark bruises and shallow cuts up to her elbow. She crossed her arms and let her chin rest in her hands. "Bridges to burn." Catherine drew in a breath, watching the girl intently for a moment before Sara stepped forward. She approached Catherine and held her hand out.

"I need it back for a second." Catherine knew she was talking about her iPod. She pulled it out and handed it to the brunette. Both Sam and Catherine watched Sara shuffle through the songs before handing it to Sam.

"First song, or second song?" Sam looked up at her.

"Right now?" Sara nodded, and Catherine started to become thoroughly confused. "The first, I was never guilty." Sara handed Catherine the iPod back, and Catherine played the first song.

"_There's a part I can't tell_

_About the dark I know well_

_You say 'Time for bed now child'_

_Mom just smiles that smile_

_Just like she never saw me_

_Just like she never saw me…"_

Catherine knew where the song was headed, but it didn't make the pain any less. The truth, she admitted to herself, was that Sam reminded her of Lindsay, and that scared her.

"_So I leave_

_Wanting just to hide_

_Knowing deep inside_

_You are coming to me_

_You are coming to me_

_You say all you want is just a kiss goodnight_

_Then you hold me and you whisper_

'_Child, the lord won't mind_

_It's jus you and me_

_Child, you're a beauty_

_God it's good- the lovin' – ain't it good tonight? _

_You ain't seen nothing yet_

_Gonna treat you right_

_It's just you and me_

_Child, you're a beauty'"_

Catherine realized that she was staring at the music player and looked up, both of ht e other girls were watching her intently, gauging her reaction, no doubt.

"_I don't scream_

_Though I know it's wrong_

_I just play along_

_I lie there and breathe_

_Lie there and breathe_

_I wanna be strong_

_I want the world to find out_

_That you're dreaming on me_

_Me and my beauty_

_Me and my beauty_

_You say all you want is just a kiss goodnight_

_Then you hold me and you whisper_

'_Child, the lord won't mind_

_It's jus you and me_

_Child, you're a beauty_

_God it's good- the lovin' – ain't it good tonight? _

_You ain't seen nothing yet_

_Gonna teach you right_

_It's just you and me_

_Child, you're a beauty'_

_There's a part I can't tell_

_About the dark I know well…"_

Catherine waited for the song to finish before taking the headphones out and setting the iPod on the table. Samantha sighed.

"You seem like a nice lady, and you've got a kid to go home to when work is done. I don't want to make you sad." Catherine opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off. "I know what you're going to say. This is work, yadda, yadda, yadda, but, honestly? If I tell you everything, you're gonna feel the exact same way walking out of these doors, as you are walking into your house." Catherine sighed in defeat. Sara, knowing that she'd do more harm than good being there, left the room. Once the door was closed, Same spoke again.

"I'll make you a deal."

"I'm listening."

"Since you seem so intent on hearing my story, I'll tell you."

"If?"

"If you promise to go home and love your daughter like my mother never loved me."

"You've got yourself a deal."


	5. The Part I Can Tell

**NOTE: This chapter contains references molestation and rape, not for the faint of heart. Also, it is a very short chapter, I'll update again very soon.**

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Samantha knew the easiest way to handle this was to get it all out in the open right away. She didn't want to give Catherine time to think about it until all was said and done.

"Do you want me to start at the very beginning, or when I was adopted?"

"Whichever you want." Catherine took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy, but she couldn't imagine Samantha telling anyone else her story.

"My birth mother was a figure skater, my birth father was a nobody, but she loved him with all her heart. And then along came this little baby girl, all rosy cheeks and giggles. She used to tell me that I was the perfect baby, of course, I never believed her. Ten years later, my mother is in the hospital after slipping on ice in Iowa City, go figure. She hit her head on the cement and was in a coma for a week before she died. My father tried to support us, but with the salary of a cashier at a Kwik Stop, it didn't exactly work out. So, we moved to Las Vegas, in hopes of getting off on a good start." She paused for a moment, as if considering her choice of words.

"He got into gambling, and lost his car. He just couldn't stop. His bookie was calling him day and night, and after about a month of living in a mission, he killed himself." She looked at Catherine. "And along came Stephanie and Terrance. Like angels from heaven, if you believe in that kind of thing. After having Chrissy and Emily, Stephanie found out she couldn't have any more children. So here I am, this quiet little ten year-old, seemingly the perfect child. And they just _had_ to adopt me. About a year later, Terrance would come into my room, play the 'loving father' card and touch me. From there it escalated. The rest you know." Sam watched Catherine until the older blonde locked eyes with her.

"It's not-"

"My fault?" She laughed bitterly. "That man took my last sane moment, my humanity. And you think I blame myself?"

"I didn't say that." Sam sighed, pursing her lips.

"I'm sorry." Catherine reached to touch Samantha's hand.

"It's okay." Sam looked away.

"It's not okay until you find him. Until then, no, it's not okay." After a long moment of silence, Catherine squeezed her hand.

"Sam, we'll find your- Terrance." Catherine was trying her hardest to keep her emotions in check. It was becoming hard for her to breathe. Sam watched Catherine for what could have be hours before pulling her hand away.

"Miss Willows."

"Catherine." Sam smiled crookedly.

"Do you know what I hate?"

"I've got a few guesses." Catherine said under her breath. "No."

"Weeping willows. I didn't want to make you sad, and I did. So, I'm going to go be with my sisters now, okay?" Catherine wanted to stop her, wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but, somehow, the roles were reversed. As she passed the older woman, Sam took Catherine's wrist.

"Remember our deal, Miss Catherine."


	6. Women Like You

As she left the interrogation room, Samantha stopped in front of Sara. She tilted he head up just enough to make eye contact with the brunette. The look was intense, and neither said a word until Catherine cleared her throat. Sam looked away, once again lost in a haze. As she walked away, she started to sing quietly.

"And who can say what we are?" Catherine crossed her arms, looking at Sara, who was still leaning against the wall.

"I suppose you know what she's talking about?" Sara snapped out of her trance and looked at the blonde.

"Yeah." Both women were watching the Wright family now. After a moment, Catherine looked back to Sara.

"Well? What does it mean?" Sara looked back at her, her eyes hiding something the older woman couldn't decipher.

"It means a lot of things, Cath." The blonde pursed her lips.

"What does it mean to her?" She said as they began to walk away.

"The lyrics, 'and now our bodies are the guilty ones.' She blames her body, _his_ body." Catherine broke eye contact. Staring straight ahead, she spoke.

"How do you know that?" Sara glanced at her, and then looked away.

"Just the strong doing what they can, and the weak suffering what they must." She said before turning and walking away.

"I knew you listened to Joni Mitchell!" Catherine called after her. She stopped walking and watched the sisters before Christine approached her.

"She told you something. Something she hasn't told me. Didn't she?" Catherine knew what the younger woman was talking about.

"Yeah, we sort of agreed to keep it a secret." She looked deep in thought for a long moment.

"What could be so bad she had to keep it from me? I mean, we share everything. I'm practically the Emily to her Alice."

"Alice Ripley?" Catherine was secretly proud of the connection she had made.

"Uh-huh." Chrissy nodded. "Dad, he…he used to take us to New York to see a show, like, once a year. We just saw Next To Normal a few months ago, Legally Blonde and Spring Awakening before that." She turned to look at her sisters. "The only time I really ever saw smile, was when we were in the city. She looked like she just belonged there, you know?" Catherine nodded. "But when we came back here, she just…went back into herself. She was always at work, or studying. I hardly see her any more." Catherine understood. She couldn't imagine how she would handle it if Lindsay started pushing her away. Christine ran a hand through her dark hair.

"How old are you, Christine?" Catherine asked after a moment.

"Nineteen next week." There was a long pause. "I know what you're thinking, Miss Willows. I am going to apply for legal guardianship of Emily, but Sam," she sighed, "Sam doesn't want me to adopt her. She said it would be better off if she were in the system, which, between you and me, is total bullshit. But I can't convince her." Catherine felt a pang of guilt. She opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Don't say anything, please. Just…She won't talk to me about whatever she told you. Just, listen to her. She sees her mother in you, I think." The blonde was taken aback at this; she stood motionless as Christine rejoined her sisters. As she was about to head back to the lab, Warrick approached her.

"Hey, Cath?" She turned to face him, grabbing her purse.

"Yeah?"

"Samantha Wright's social worker is on her way over, but the other two are already leaving." Catherine smirked.

"And you need someone to make sure she doesn't try to escape?" He nodded and she laughed. "Alright." She made her way back to the waiting area just as Chrissy and Emily were leaving. As she sat next to Samantha, she spoke.

"Do I look like her, or something?" Catherine furrowed a brow.

"Who?"

"Your daughter. Do I remind you of her?" Catherine thought for a moment.

"Yes, why?"

"You keep giving me these…looks. Like, like you know me from somewhere." The older woman chuckled.

"She'd probably like you. She's about your age, too."

"I bet she's smart." Sam said thoughtfully.

"What makes you say that?"

"Nobody can have a mom like you and not be at least a little bit intelligent."

"Thanks, I think." Sam laughed, and checked her watch. "I thought you just took your meds?"

"I did, but this social worker lady is about to make me late for work, and I still need to get my skates."

"Where do you-" She was cut off as a middle aged woman in a suit walked in.


	7. Misfits

**Author's note: Seeing as I'll probably be posting lots of lyrics to songs in the future chapters, I'll put the name of the song and who performed it at the end of each chap. The song in the previous chap. was "The Dark I Know Well" by the cast of Spring Awakening. Thanks for bearing with my long hiatus! Reviews and comments are always welcome!**

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"Samantha?" The social worker said in a classic 'friends not foes' tone. Sam nodded once, making it clear that she did not want to be there. Catherine wanted to leave, just slip out before Sam could protest, but some instinct told her to stay, if not for Sam's protection, then for the social worker's. As the woman continued to speak, Catherine very closely observed Samantha. She watched the young woman purse her lips before standing.

"…I'm here to make sure you're put in a good home." The woman said, just as Sam stood.

"No offense, Miss Whoever-You-Are, but the last social worker I had put me in a 'home' where my _father_ beat me, and my _mother_ couldn't remember my name.." Catherine's throat clenched shut. "Much as I would love to stay and chat, I've got a job to get to." Sam checked her watch. "I'm already twenty minutes late." She began to walk away, and the social worker started after her. Catherine stood, holding her hand out.

"I wouldn't." The other woman nodded, pulling a business card out of her pocket and handing it to her.

"Tell her to give me a call." Catherine nodded and started after Sam, jogging lightly to catch up with her. Sam knew Catherine was with her, even when she couldn't see the older woman.

"I know that was way out of line." She took a deep breath as the humid air of a late afternoon in Las Vegas hit her like wall. She stopped walking. She turned to face Catherine. "I just need to take my mind off of all this mess." Mess. Catherine thought that was putting the situation in the kindest terms.

"You didn't answer my question." Catherine said, hoping to change the subject.

"You didn't finish your question." Samantha pointed out.

"Where do you work?" She repeated, uninterrupted.

"At Misfits, it's in the middle of this warehouse district." Catherine's eyes widened. "Don't worry, I'm an athlete, I can outrun every bum there, and I hear my right hook is killer. Not literally." She added, knowing how that could have been taken the wrong way.

"Which warehouse?" Catherine asked, trying to treat Sam as an adult. She deserved that, at least.

"Two."

"Two?"

"Yeah, there are two of them. There's the ice rink, and the clubhouse." She stated blankly, staring off into space. "Well, it's not really a clubhouse, it's, you know, a warehouse. But it's decked out to the nth degree with the ultimate hangout stuff. And a karaoke stage." Suddenly, Sam snapped out of her daze and checked her watch.

"How late are you now?" Catherine asked, fishing her keys out of her purse.

"Half an hour. Will you give me a ride?" Catherine smiled.

"Of course." They headed in the direction of her car and began to walk.

_This who charade might not be so bad_, Samantha thought as she got in the passenger side. _Maybe._


End file.
